Ordinary day
Wednesday, December 27, 2023
1 November 2011
I think today is a holiday? I can't remember, not that it matters anyway. Practically no holidays are celebrated here, apart from December Day or what we used to call Christmas. There is still some time until that day, so I won't bother now with describing the course of the day on this other-than-usual day. I simply want to say that I do not remember that world. The methods they used have cleared my memories of the free world. I have no idea who is now president, whether the tripartite division of power is still in place, whether everyone is still carrying mobile telecommunications devices. We are, for I am not the only one, cut off from the outside world, condemned to the truth as it is delivered to us here. If I ever get out of this place, it will take me a very long time to find myself in a new world. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen at the moment. I'm not going to talk today about methods that completely deprive anyone here of hope. What I will say is that if the goal of the Teachers was to show us that our place is here and only here, that no attempt at resistance has the slightest senu, then they have achieved that goal.
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Entry one
Tuesday, December 26, 2023
End of October 2011.
I look out of the window and see a raven sitting on the branch of a tree, one of the few within 20km of the School. The picture outside is mournful - remnants of snow lie in the fields in disarray, left alone to melt, to be forgotten. Above the fields you can see the forest front. It is impossible to see what is hiding inside it, the trees obscure everything. To top it all off, there is a light but noticeable and gloomy fog in front of the forest. There is no bright spot anywhere, everything spills over or everything is a grey, shapeless mass that presses in everywhere and settles. Sometimes I get the impression that time here flows similarly to this grey, miserable fog. On the one hand, everything drags on and on endlessly, in such a way that even the most impatient person in the world would lose hope; on the other hand, all it takes is one blast, one spectre of getting ASSUMED and the pulse quickens, time accelerates as if dragging us, pushing us towards the inexorable. Truly, time is the worst thing there is. I realised this a long time ago, but only now have I plucked up the courage to write it down. Who knows what consequences I will face for this? Maybe a drop in the rankings? That would be a brilliant punishment - it would not be inflicted by teachers, but by my impersonal, pathetic peers. I end for today. I haven't even written down the exact date. What does it matter anyway in this place abandoned by God?
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